One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6
Let it go. These words can roll off the tongue like it’s no big deal, yet in my experience, it was like standing on the edge of the highest cliff, looking down into the canyon as my heart beat so fast and loud I could hear it, and then jumping. The fear was overwhelming. I knew if I just let go of everything I was attempting to manage, it would all come crashing down around me. I read books, Scripture, listened to Christian radio, and begged the Lord to change things. I worked so hard at being a Godly wife and a kind, loving mother to our two little boys. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. While the Lord was dealing with my heart, and I was being very intentional in seeking His wisdom, I still felt stuck.
During this time of seeking the Lord and studying His Word, I started to see “trust” and “God caring for me” all throughout Scripture. I cried out to the Lord for wisdom and understanding. What does ‘trust’ mean? How do I do this? Let it go and trust me, I sensed in my soul. “Lord, I can’t,” I’d respond. “Everything will fall apart if I let go.” Still, I could sense the Lord inviting me to trust Him.
In “The Bible Exposition Commentary” I found that the word ‘trust’ means “to lie helpless, facedown.” The picture of a servant waiting for the master’s command in readiness to obey, or a defeated soldier yielding himself to the conquering general. I felt much more like the defeated soldier. I felt as though God were asking me to jump off of a cliff I was terrified to leave because even though it was painful, overwhelming, and miserable, at least I knew what to expect. Though it took some time and a lot of tears, I finally took my grip off of everything and let it all fall. I would still pick it all back up again and would have to let go…..again. It was a process, not an overnight experience. I still have to let things go today, understanding they are not mine to hold on to. At least now I recognize things a bit sooner than before, and I have the confidence in Christ I did not have years ago.
Sadly, for my family, many things did fall apart……my greatest fear, and I had to live in a way I never would have dreamed of, and though I was not okay with how things were on the outside, I had this weird peace inside my soul. I was not happy physically or emotionally and most days life was very discouraging. But believing God’s Word, and trusting His faithfulness, gave my heart a place to rest and find hope. I finally realized I was only responsible for myself and my actions. I could only allow God to change my heart, but that did not stop me from hoping and praying for many years that God would open my husband’s eyes. I asked God to show me how to love well and to see things as He would see them. I prayed for my husband, for my marriage and for healing constantly.
It was a process for my husband as well, but over the years the Lord was faithful to me and to him and changed his heart as well. Neither of us is the person we married. Thank God for His love! There are things I should have done differently, but one thing I would never change is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Had my husband been everything I thought I needed, I’m not sure I would have ever recognized my need for Christ. God has always showed up for me and is faithful to me still today. He is my joy, my peace, my hope, and the love of my life.
Because of a great deal of hard work, staying committed to one another, and learning to trust God and see things through His eyes, another marriage was saved. I understand the sheer terror and despair when you are asked to let things go and stop controlling. There is no guarantee the other person will change. There is no guarantee that your marriage will be saved. There is no guarantee that everything will be good. The only promise or guarantee I had was God loves me and cares for me and about me. The same is true for you. The best thing I did for my marriage was to get out of God’s way and let Him do the work. He does such a better job than I can. “Am I letting go and trusting Christ with my life?” are the words I ask when I start feeling overwhelmed by something and may be taking on more than is meant for me to handle.
Doing nothing is sometimes one of the highest of the duties of man. G.K. Chesterson